Intermission: MySpace and the New Blog
If you're reading this then you seriously can't get over my departure, and I should probably look into filing a restraining order. Or, you're somehow who used to like this site and decide to pop in every once in a while in order to see if I updated. Either way, who the fuck cares?
Yes, this site is pretty much dead. I hate looking at it. It reminds me of those old poems you would write in high schoo, thinking they would somehow help you woo a certain girl -- only, she couldn't care less, and winds up fucking the jerk who misspells his own name. So, what do I do?
Well, I have a MySpace page now. You can be my friend there -- I have a few blog posts up, and I'm trying to inch my way back into that game.
Also, I'm probably going to start a new blog soon. I'm sick of writing about movies all the time, and I need a new place to vent. So, swing by my myspace page (I feel so gay writing that) and there will probably be an announcement over there. Or maybe here. Or maybe nowhere.
I sincerely hope all my old blog friends are doing well, and I look forward to seeing you all soon.
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Hell, even I'M back blogging after almost a year, so let's hear from the Fat Dude and tell us what's up with you.
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The One Where We Get A Puppy
Okay, so I'm here and I'm there, but I promise you: As soon as I get my shit together and get back on schedule, I will post more often. Anyway the wife and I just got a puppy. Crazy shit, huh? I will post pics soon, but (and I can't believe I'm being this fucking cheesy) the thing is the cutest fucking puppy you will ever see in your life.
Fuck those other puppies. Fuck every dog that exists on this planet. My puppy fucking rocks! For those interested, we got a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and named it Leia ... after, well, those of you who know me should know where that name came from.
So, in short: I'm fucking wiped out. We're in training phase which, for those of you who have pets, know that this fucking sucks. No sleep. No nothing. I have a fucking kid. Ugh. Yeah, so I'm busy training the best fucking puppy in the history of the universe, as well as writing for Cinematical.com.
Oh, and did I mention I was in the LA Times. Yup, some reporter wanted to talk to me -- Fat Dude. Finally, the world is catching on to the fact that I fucking rock the shit.
Till next time,
the f dude
you got a puppy and landed in the LA Times. sweet! fucking sweet!
Posted by orange on Aug 24, 2006 6:23:51 AM
Those dogs always look sad. Or mildly pissed off.
We never bothered training our dog properly. She sits and comes when you yell at her, or if you have food.
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About damn time ya posted!
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"I promise you: As soon as I get my shit together and get back on schedule, I will post more often." Well, THAT says it all folks, how does never sound to ya?!
Posted by earthdragon on Sep 1, 2006 11:50:18 AM
FD! It has been like a million lifetimes since I have read the words you think of. YOU STILL MAKE US ALL LAUGH... Bravo Amigo!
Posted by Keeme on Sep 20, 2006 7:20:05 PM
Good to see you back, FD. Good luck with the puppy. We got one in April. We named him Sparky. Those who know me should know where that name came from... it came from "Big Gay Al Big Gay Animal Sanctuary".
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Come here she said finally returned
My Summer Vacation
Now that I'm working from home, I don't have much to complain about. There are no annoying, disgusting, fat, bald, smelly employees breathing down my back. I have my own office ... with a window! Private kitchen. Private bathroom. There's a TV, but I don't put it on during the day because it becomes distracting.
Damn you One Life to Live!
There's no phone ringing. There's no boss. There's, well, nothing. Except me, my computer and I. As you can imagine, I've already started talking to myself. Oh yeah, it's a blast.
Random Brain Fart: This movie looks fucking awesome!
Yeah, so I'm talking to myself a lot now. And I run the air conditioner all day long. Oh, and I'm moving. To Queens. Yeah, I don't know why either.
It's weird though because now that I am away from everyone, I kind of miss talking to people. I'm not depressed -- oh no -- it's just, I guess I'm a little lonely.
Bah! I have a headache. I'll write more tomorrow. Thanks to those of you still reading.
fuck man, you always know an idea is a good one when you think DAMN - I shoulda come up with that
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you're right. that movie looks awesome.
and you're lonely. well, put it this way: now that you work at home, you can now masturbate anytime you want to. there.
Posted by orange on Jul 27, 2006 2:03:07 AM
Yeah! Welcome back!!
Posted by That Girl on Jul 27, 2006 8:38:08 AM
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Posted by copygodd on Jul 30, 2006 11:36:38 PM
Home office rocks..... pants pressed?? yup and still on the hanger, im gonna make calls today au natural. Make coffee?? pots still there when you remember its brewin. I do not watch TV so lost me there but i have had a conference call while killing terrorists on an x-box, and closed a deal while dealin drugs in san andreas.....
i think i am gonna look for a person to trade ties for PJ's
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I just found your blog and I think I like it. Now update already :D
Posted by Jackie on Aug 4, 2006 5:53:11 PM
Hey, welcome back... just surfing by.
I hated home officing. I felt too isloated.
Posted by JustLinda on Aug 4, 2006 9:57:07 PM
Yay! You're back and not a moment too soon! I was going crazy trying to keep the entire internet entertained all by myself. Now that you're back you can take over again and I can finally get some much needed rest. Whew.
As for working from home, you haven't even started getting in to the wierd yet. Just wait until you begin to actually have conversations with innanimate objects! BTW, have you seen Bread lately? I miss him.
Posted by GeekMan on Aug 9, 2006 2:14:09 PM
you're gone again?
Posted by DirtyDancer on Aug 10, 2006 4:10:57 AM
Hey good to see you back,
I figured it out though. You were the one who broke into bibbs house and thats why you had to leave your job. Anyhow good to see you back fat eye.
Posted by Ari on Aug 21, 2006 12:26:51 PM
I had almost given up hope that you'd come back. Then you came back. I don't mind if you only post now-and-then, as long as it's still you, Fat Dude. So... write to us.
Where Do I Begin?
First off, I'm amzaed you morons still read this blog every now and then. Secondly, I'm happy to see you're all still around and safe and not dead.
Not sure who, if any, of you read Cinematical. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, Cinematical is a movie news blog owned by AOL and part of the Weblogs Inc. network of blogs. Throw on a .com at the end of Cinematical and you will find the website I've been writing for for about a year now. It's fun. They pay me. I'm actually doing that full time now ever since I quit my job.
Why did I quit my job?
Well, I can't really say. I did nothing illegal and no one died, which is what my friend Schmeckel tells me every time we discuss the whole job thing. Nothing illegal. No one died. Regardless, I hated that place anyway and so, in the long run, this is a good thing.
Am I still married? Did I knock my wife up yet?
Yes. And no.
While I'm not crazy about this blog and feel the look needs a major change, for now I will continue to write on a somewhat daily basis. So, please, ignore everything around you like the links and the pictures and the poll - for now, none of that shit is going to change. I just need to write.
I need to blow off some steam. Please don't be angry if I'm not on your blog and commenting and all that stupid blog shit that comes along with having a blog. I just need to write. So, feel free to stop by here from time to time and read what I have to say.
I've missed you all. The last few months have been a trip. When and if I ever move locations (ie: another .com name), I will let you know all that has happened. Fucking complete moronic brilliance.
Fuck the world cup. Soccer sucks.
Wow. Looks like all us old-timers are coming back in droves. Must have something to do with that-there Apocalypse.
Posted by The Zero Boss on Jul 24, 2006 1:14:28 AM
How can you have a personal blog for the purpose of blowing off steam if you cant tell us whats going on. If not here, where? If not now, when? Share care bear. Share
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you punk bitch
Posted by doom on Jul 24, 2006 11:25:28 AM
I only kept visiting because your blog is near the top of my bookmarks. I honestly can't be fucked moving my mouse any further down.
Aside from that, WOO!
Posted by davo on Jul 25, 2006 3:09:47 AM
fuck soccer and fuck you, too for leaving us all up in the air waiting for our lives to have meaning!
Posted by orange on Jul 27, 2006 1:56:00 AM
What is it with soccer anyway?
Holy Fucking Shit Mother Cocksucker -- He's Back!
Everyone needs some times off. Everyone needs a break. After several months away from the blogging world, I've decided to make some gigantic fucking return -- except no one reads this blog anymore, so it's not really gigantic. It's, like, semi-gigantic. Or not. I'm not sure. Nor do I care.
Some really intense shit went down while I was away, stuff I can't talk about on Fat Eye. I know, it's no excuse, but I ask that you understand as I go through a tranisition in my life. However, here is a brief update on me:
A. I quit my fucking job
B. I'm writing full time, getting paid and that's my fucking job.
C. I turned 29.
D. I still hate everything and everyone.
E. If this post doesn't generate at least three comments, I will blow up the earth.
wait, am i first, or did you put some sort of greasy fries on the comment enabler?
Posted by melina on Jul 20, 2006 4:50:58 PM
Damn! I wanted to be first.
And 29 is nothing.
Oh, welcome back.
Posted by Angie on Jul 20, 2006 5:03:50 PM
Ironic, since I nominated you for Shitty Blog of the Month.
Posted by Mango on Jul 20, 2006 5:08:18 PM
I found your blog a couple of months ago by just clicking link after link on various blogs. (Is there such a thing as blog surfing? That's what I was doing.) I bookmarked less than 5 out of all the ones I saw... yours being one of them. Imagine my surprise when (on a whim, first time since I bookmarked you a few months back) I clicked the link to find that TODAY is the day you have made your triumphant return! I believe I have been diddled by the fickle finger of fate. Welcome back...
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WB. LTNS. Hope the Cinematical gig continues to be fortuitous for you:)
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FAT DUDE UPDATE - I'M IN IRAQ!
That's right folks - I'm in Iraq. It's crazy, I know - and it's also why I haven't posted in a long time. No, I didn't join the Army or Navy or Marines and I'm not reporting for a newspaper or in some secret agency - I'm on vacation. Hell yeah! Do you even know how fucking cheap the flights are to Baghdad right now? I scored a round-tripper on Expedia for like 14 bucks!
Of course, internet access isn't really that great right now and when I tried to tell some I guy that I needed to update my blog, I think he thought I was drawing a cartoon about Islam. Not sure how he could confuse the two, but nonetheless, I was taken hostage for about 15 days.
The good thing about being taken hostage is that I didn't have to pay for a room. They fed me a few times a day and one night me and the guys (who were all wearing masks and I told them to take them off because one dude said his was itchy) all bonded and talked old 90210 episodes. I never knew how popular Dylan and Brenda were with terrorists. The crazy shit you learn while on vacation, right?
Anyway, after 15 days, they realized that no one gave two shits about me so they let me go. However, while walking back to my hotel, a police officer thought that, because I was so fat, I was carrying a bomb under my shirt. Wham! 10 days in jail.
Once again, jail was cool because I didn't have to pay for my stay and I was provided a few meals a day...for free! After the officers realized that I was just some fat American, they let me go but made me go straight to the airport. I asked if I could go take a picture of that big Saddam statue that fell because, seriously, that's all us Americans know of Iraq - but they told me that it was no longer there.
Right now I'm in the airport using some guy's laptop who I bribed to let me blog. All in all, I spent a month overseas for just under 30 bucks. Not bad, huh? I miss you all so so much and I can't wait to get back to the States so that I can blog more often.
Love and kisses!
SO beyond full of shit.
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 8, 2006 9:03:19 AM
good to see you;re back.
now put away the crack pipe.
Posted by Doom on Mar 8, 2006 6:41:10 PM
what the fuck have you been UP to, fat dude?
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Mar 8, 2006 9:16:25 PM
how was the falafel?
Posted by copygodd on Mar 10, 2006 12:37:34 PM
i know i said i wouldn't be back, but being the huge sucker that i am, i still check back on your site every once a few days anyway.
yes i'm a sucker. but i think you're a liar and a lousy blogger. and that makes you a bigger sucker.
what's up fat dude!?!?!? all that's ever here anymore are crummy leftovers and soggy crumbs! you can't treat your readers like this.
if you want to close the blog, but at least say goodbye and tell us why.
i hate you.
Posted by DirtyDancer on Mar 11, 2006 2:21:46 PM
Give FatDude a break, guys. Marriage duties must be preventing him from posting. Good for him, I say!
When the novelty wears off... he'll be back.
Posted by Goldie on Mar 13, 2006 3:42:52 PM
I wish you really WERE in Iraq...
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 17, 2006 8:37:08 PM
Be of good cheer
And drink some green beer
St. Patrick's Day is here!! :-)
Omni the Poet
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Posted by davo on Mar 21, 2006 7:45:48 AM
What they said.
Posted by That Girl on Mar 21, 2006 10:44:22 AM
This by far is one of the funniest posts I have ever read on a blog, ever!
I hope readers realize the relevance of this post. political profundity all wrapped up in absurdity and wit, with a pinch of sarcasm.
Posted by Olive Ream on Mar 21, 2006 1:05:51 PM
Let's not forget that it is quite old & stale by now too!
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 22, 2006 8:18:18 AM
So I'm not the only one that has been MIA. Glad you're back your fatness.
Posted by Grins on Mar 22, 2006 5:34:40 PM
Back? He hasn't posted for 17 days!
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 24, 2006 7:29:44 PM
lay down that crackpipe, fatty.
Posted by jdragon on Mar 26, 2006 5:35:18 AM
i still have posting privileges on this site. don't make me use them...
Posted by copygodd on Mar 30, 2006 12:01:12 AM
Please copygodd, take over the site. Dirty job but SOMEBODY has to do it as obviously fat dude is just sitting back, laughing at us.
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 30, 2006 11:29:07 AM
If you were waiting for someone to say "fuck you" then FUCK YOU FAT DUDE!
Posted by earthdragon on Mar 30, 2006 11:30:28 AM
i miss your audio posts.
maybe you and mango ran off together.
he's fucked off too.
Posted by doom on Apr 6, 2006 9:32:37 PM
Someone promise to flash their boobies if he comes back.
Posted by Grins on Apr 22, 2006 1:22:00 PM
i'll do it.
Posted by copygodd on Apr 23, 2006 1:00:47 AM
Ah...ha ha ha ha ha! Ya know, we don't need him, we can just post here without his active involvement. This can be "The People's Blog."
Posted by earthdragon on Apr 23, 2006 7:52:08 AM
The man hasn't posted for almost two months, and he still gets more comments than I do.
Life is unfair.
Posted by Goldie on Apr 26, 2006 3:40:21 PM
Hey where the hell are you know fat dude, zimbabway, oh thats right you w4ent there last year.
Posted by Ari on May 22, 2006 10:54:41 PM
i hate you for not blogging. i'm really going away this time. really really really. and i'm i'm never coming back again.
Posted by DirtyDancer on Jun 2, 2006 4:14:24 AM
pass the pipe, please!
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Posted by orange on Jun 26, 2006 10:48:28 PM
long live fatdude!
Posted by copygodd on Jun 27, 2006 12:50:09 AM
cinematical can't pay THAT much, can they?
what movies are showing in iraq, anyway?
That George Carlin Joke
Okay, so it went something the this...
I've never fucked a perfect ten, but I've had sex with five 2's in one night.
I once broke up with a girl over White Castle. Sophomore year of college, there was this girl who was into me hardcore. And you know when she's really into you, especially when no one is ever into you because any, one, tiny, minuscule hint hits you like a hammer.
"Oh, she looked at me but did some sort of slant with her eye. I fucking caught that shit. She's into me!"
It was one of those situations. My roommate had a bunch of friends up and we were drinking an enormous amount of goldschlagger. I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling, but I haven't touched the shit since, so I could give two fucks if I spelled it wrong.
I was wasted. So was she. We hooked up at the elevator, because back then, I was way too lazy to walk a girl back to her dorm. Fuck that - you get the elevator. But she was into me. And so the next night my roommate went home to New Jersey and she came over for a night of pure teenage horny things. We hooked it up in all kinds of different ways and that was that - I was done.
Upon being done, I immediately began to crave white castle. Not sure why - probably because I'm a fat kid. Problem was she wanted to stay over. Really badly. And it became apparent that this is what she wanted to do. She had given me a whole lot and all she wanted was an all night cuddle session.
See, but I wanted fucking white castle. So I had to make a decision: Break up with her, get her out of the room and go to white castle OR stay in bed and cuddle.
Like any real asshole would do, I turned to her and broke it off. I don't know what I said because the white castle craving was doing most of the talking. Needless to say she was crying hysterically - ashamed. And after an hour of tears and apologies, she left.
And I went to white castle.
But she was only a 5...so that makes it okay. Right?
You're a douchebag.
I would've brought her with me!
Posted by Kate on Feb 12, 2006 11:42:20 AM
Dude, if you had been any good, you would've hooked up, done her in every orifice imaginable, and then convinced her that she needed to come with you to White Castle.
Fucking. Hamburgers. More fucking. Ahhh, now, that's a weekend!
Posted by Elisson on Feb 12, 2006 4:38:05 PM
What Kate said.
Posted by That Girl on Feb 13, 2006 11:37:30 AM
WTF? You can't have food and sex? Silly silly boy!
Michele sends me today but I might come back...I think I've lurked around here before.
Posted by Keb on Feb 13, 2006 4:19:24 PM
An hour!? you are one sensative mother fucker. I dont know if I spelled that right because I havnt been sensative for who knows how long. Shit yeah, white castle over sex. Lotta ho's, especially crazt ones but white castle... oh boy.
Posted by fellowdouchebag on Feb 14, 2006 5:46:02 AM
this was a great post to read....on Valentine's Day.
no wonder you're so fucking fat. White Castle!
I love you still...on this loveliest of days!
Hey! What are you and The Girl, Mrs. Dude, doing for your first V-Day as a married duo, eh?
Posted by Melina on Feb 14, 2006 1:56:24 PM
that White Castle must be some GOOD shit. I wouldn't know, living in bumfuck nowhere and not having any White Castles...
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Feb 14, 2006 5:48:59 PM
Any girl that doesn't understand the 5AM need for White Castles isn't worth snuggling all night...
Posted by JustLinda on Feb 14, 2006 10:02:24 PM
What's wrong with you people (and, by "you people", I mean men)? How come it's easier to break up than just come out and say, "Hey, you know what, I really need some White Castle". Why are we supposed to be able to read your thoughts? Can you read ours?? Ugh. Seriously. This stuff kills me. Mr. Goldie does it to me sometimes and it just kills me to no end. I tell my kids that, when they're in a relationship, they should just tell the woman what is on their friggin mind, instead of making her guess.
Sorry about the vent. The post was funny. Besides, imagine if you hadn't broken up with her then, your whole life would've taken a different course, and who wants that? So it's all for the better... am I right?
Posted by Goldie on Feb 15, 2006 10:10:51 AM
Yeah, he might've been "Hot Dude" instead of "Fat Dude".
Posted by earthdragon on Feb 17, 2006 2:05:33 PM
whatever happened to friday rants? remember those? back when you used to blog?
i brought back "what sucks..." the least you can do is put up an occasional post.
p.s. i hate you.
Posted by copygodd on Feb 17, 2006 4:46:50 PM
Hey, Virtual High Five, What a great fuckin story. I mean you women just don't get it.
Posted by Ari on Feb 22, 2006 5:45:02 PM
If this is a true story (which lets face it, as it's you I have my doubts) then you've totally earned the title of CUNT!
What happened to "that was great, YOU were great, but I've really gotta go feed babe, you wanna come with or head home?"
Posted by Vics on Feb 23, 2006 5:48:36 AM
Thank God I found "The Peevery" to read-you really suck with posting! Usta be so good....wah poor us.
Posted by earthdragon on Feb 24, 2006 7:29:33 PM
You probably got a little teensy dick, too.
Posted by Too Fine on Feb 26, 2006 3:31:43 PM
This is so wrong is hilarious.
Posted by logtar on Mar 1, 2006 2:55:33 PM
What the fuck you nobloggin fat fuck. Shit man, you cant be that busy with white castle anymore you're fuckin married. You should be bored as hell now - so throw us a freakin bone huh... Dont know why I even check this site anymore- tell us youre done blogging or have someone send the obituary explaining the reason but shit... tell us something.
Posted by whatthenaninani on Mar 4, 2006 7:11:30 AM
You should make a movie about this! Except, screw the sex part, make it.. you getting high with your friend! And you get the munchies for whitecastle, and then you have lots of whacky encounters along the way!
And at the end
You learn a lot about yourself, and you change.
Also, fuck obligatory death posts. I have done about five and I still update.
Posted by davo on Mar 4, 2006 7:25:10 AM
Also: Why would Fat Dude, being a fat asshole, write about being sensitive to a chick he boned? Sure, priorities probably need work, but if he wrote about how he bought her flowers and made her breakfast in bed the morning after and then got married and fucked more but this time resulting in adorable apple cheeked children who wear sailor suits and bows and other adorable cliched shit, I would be happy about the lack of updates.
Shut the fuck up.
Posted by davo on Mar 4, 2006 7:34:20 AM
fat dude. seriously. you suck. all those promises... and your blog posts are still fewer than the strands of hair on donald trump's head.
i gave you so many chances. but it's not like you care anyway, so...
i'm outta here.
Posted by DirtyDancer on Mar 4, 2006 10:35:15 AM
Posted by karen on Mar 6, 2006 3:49:02 PM
Teenage horny things and elevator hook-ups did me in ... only three more hours until I can go home and masterbate!
This post doesn't have a title except for the one I just wrote
Have you ever felt something weird happening?
It's a strange question, I know, and you don't really know where I'm going with it. Most of you will read on just a tad more to see if this post turns into something funny. Right after I finish this sentence, most of those most will drop out because you haven't laughed yet...and you can tell this is going to be one of his weird posts.
I'm surprised at the people who have made it this far. I'm not sure why, there are better blogs to read right about now. Someone just wrote something on their blog, the one with the catchy name - you know which - and it's this long story about the time their cat fell into the toilet. It's much funnier than this post. I'll understand if you want to click out of here now. This post isn't getting any better.
Hey. You're still here. Wow. Cool. Since it's just us, why don't I finish what I was talking about earlier. Ya know, the thing about feeling weird. It's hard to explain, right? Because you feel something and you know for sure you've never felt it before. Or maybe you have, but it was just so long ago now that only fragments feel familiar.
I want to call it an emotion, but I'm not so sure that's it. It's a feeling. Is a feeling an emotion? Does anyone know? And if they know, how can they be sure? Because it's what they think? I'm going to say it feels like an emotion. That's what I'm asking you. That's the something weird.
Well, have you?
Maybe you are pregnant. Good thing you are married...or is that WHY you got married?!
Posted by earthdragon on Jan 29, 2006 8:13:39 AM
Or maybe it is just that YOU are weird. I'm gonna go out on a limb here & say that a FEELING is a REACTION to an EMOTION. Which in your case would be a weird feeling to a weird emotion. Weirdo.
Posted by earthdragon on Jan 29, 2006 8:18:26 AM
Whoa dude. Looks like everyone has left you....just you & me kid. I must still be a masochist.....
Posted by earthdragon on Jan 30, 2006 7:22:22 AM
you know what's weird?
Posted by copygodd on Jan 30, 2006 7:39:33 PM
I think I might have it too. But I don't want to tell people just in case I'm wrong. And.... if I'm right... then what do I do?
Posted by Doom on Jan 31, 2006 7:21:25 AM
You mean a vauge feeling of unease or impending doom? Yeah, that sucks ;)
Posted by Fuckkit on Jan 31, 2006 12:37:46 PM
Your post has inspired me.
Cat fell in toiet.
Out of habit, I flushed it.
Sadly, a life ends.
But seriously, a LONG post about a cat in the toilet? what's there to say about a cat in the toilet?... it pretty much speaks for itself...
Sorry, I am so exhausted today I cannot even feel weird... Kids will do that to you...
Posted by Goldie on Feb 1, 2006 2:45:36 PM
Feeling weird... When you think about it our entire lives are nothing but chemical imbalances and mixtures at different sometimes inoppurtune(?) times. All feelings - chemical imbalances. So feeling weird my friend well......
Posted by jake on Feb 2, 2006 6:20:28 AM
I felt a feeling this morning; but then I took a shit, and the feeling went away.
Posted by annie on Feb 2, 2006 2:28:26 PM
Posted by the olive ream on Feb 3, 2006 2:06:23 PM
oh boy, fat dude's loosin' it...
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Feb 3, 2006 4:15:46 PM
whatever it is, i bet the french have a word or term for it.
Posted by gaijin on Feb 8, 2006 4:26:01 AM
It's called love, lust... or as the French put it, amour! either that, or you just did one too many ludes.
Posted by SeLiNa on Feb 8, 2006 2:32:50 PM
Did you ever get the feeling - a weird kind of feeling - that you're supposed to be doing something - like writing a post - a funny post -about how your cat fell in the toilet - but you can't stop reading someone else's post - that isn't really about anything? Weird.
Posted by Countess Agatha on Feb 8, 2006 9:08:38 PM
Dude. Snap out of it.
Posted by JustLinda on Feb 10, 2006 2:34:46 PM
Are you not getting enough sleep, Fat Dude?
Posted by Omni on Feb 10, 2006 9:26:37 PM
Maybe it is deja vu... I get that at times??? : ) Congrats! (late) on your marriage.
Posted by furry on Feb 17, 2006 3:18:49 PM
Good site! I'll stay reading! Keep improving!
Posted by Nika on Nov 10, 2007 2:30:42 AM
However, I for one am a firm believer in picking a diet that suits the individual and the low- carb craze these days is driving me insane. People are jumping into these diets without even knowing anything about them. Anywhere you look it’ s low carb this and low carb that. Isn’ t all this attention misinforming the public that carbs are completely bad? I could go on but I guess all i’ m saying is that any diet out there is just as good as a low- carb diet. The only thing about a low- carb diet is that it’ s...
My Friend Who Likes Peanut Butter
I once knew a guy who liked peanut butter. He didn't just like peanut butter, he loved peanut butter. Lived every waking, breathing, laughing, crying, fucking moment of his life for peanut butter. And that's what made him go. When I'd see him at the grocery story, aisle 6, on Tuesdays at 6:15pm - he'd be buying peanut butter. I'd shake his hand and feel peanut butter. He'd open his mouth and I would smell peanut butter. And when he smiled, I tasted the shit.
My friend rarely went out. Although he never admitted it, I was convined my friend would hide on purpose so that he could masturbate with peanut butter, to peanut butter, right after eating peanut butter and before bathing in it. While he never said one word, not even a hint or a nudge, about peanut butter to me, his friend, of all people - I understood that some creatures needed to keep secrets.
It was reasonably late one night, maybe 8:49pm or somewhere around there. My friend knocked on the front door. I never liked visitors at night because, often, I'd use the time to think about sex...but that's a different story. Possibly the same..I'm not sure. He was upset. But not the kind of upset where you cry and you sigh and search the floor for an answer to a question it was never asked. I'm talking about the kind of hurt you (meaning me) cannot see. Because it's deep. Real fucking deep. Inside the gut, in a dark corner, stuck there for eternity.
It's the kind of hurt that makes you crawl. It makes you leave the safest places for un-explored territory. It makes you come to my place. At 8:49pm...or somewhere around there. And before my friend could even move, blink, breathe, flinch, fucking form one, single complete thought - I knew it was over. I knew he had given it up. The peanut butter.
I shook his hand. I said something that I hope sounded nice or at least inspiring, and sent him on his way. See, because we weren't meant to see each other. We were two completely different heads, on opposite levels. He was down. I was up. And although he was my friend, I never gave him a name. I just tell my wife that's my friend who likes peanut butter.
She thinks that's gross.
i like peanut butter too. but not in *that* way. :)
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Jan 30, 2006 12:41:07 PM
My 10yo loves peanut butter. I sometimes find peanut-butter covered spoons hidden behind the couch... I kid you not. Why would you want to hide when eating peanut butter? is he even eating it?... your post has really made me wonder...
Me, I think it looks like shit and tastes the same.
Posted by Goldie on Feb 1, 2006 2:34:26 PM
Rollalow! XD :))
Doublow dinglow; Crast!
This is so funny and touching and heartwarming lololololololol
Posted by BioMenace on Nov 6, 2006 5:14:04 AM
There are several options - one is a simple Google search, you'll turn up several results. Another is to checkk here, good discussion worth reviewing before you move forward. Finally, some groups...
I'll talk about black chicks in a second, but first an announcement: I CAN SEE MY FUCKING BLOG AGAIN! I have no idea how it happened, but all of a sudden, I can finally view my blog like a regular blog blogger can do. Now I can finally update the front page so that it doesn't look like I was last on here 6 months ago - although it's a close estimate.
----------------------------------------------------> Black Chicks
I dig black chicks. I don't exactly know why, I just do. But not in a "I wanna screw them all" kind of way - I just love the way they speak. I love the attitude. Black chicks are pissed off at everything and I think it's awesome. I was waiting for a train the other day and I accidentally brushed up against this black chick. So she goes, "Watch where you're walking motherfucker!"
I turned to her and replied, "Please say that again. Please. But put more into it. Maybe you could go, "Why don't you watch it motherfucker because you can't fucking walk worth of fuck shit white fucker." Not only would it sound more original, but I sure would enjoy it.
Black chicks are never wrong. If I walked outside one day and some black chick smacked me over the head with a baseball bat in broad daylight, she would blame it on me.
"Fucking stupid white boy, you walked into that one. I didn't do nuthin. Shiiiiit."
Black chicks have their own language and I adore it. I work with a bunch of black chicks and they have the same conversations us white people have, but they do it with so much more flavor. For example: A white chick would say something like "I met a guy at a club, but he was ugly." Whereas a black chick would go, "I rolled up on some G at da club, but he was all banged up."
I think I wanna be a black chick. I think that, when I die, I wanna come back as some urban black chick with a big ass. If I were some urban black chick with a big ass I would be able to tell everyone to fuck off and suffer no consequences.
The guy in the elevator who smells - "Motherfucker, you stank bitch!"
The woman on the street blabbing on her cell phone - "Bitch, get the fuck off the phone. You're jamming up my shit."
I would blame everything on the white man. Fucking everything. I'd have 20 kids and name all of them after really hard-to-pronounce African countries just to piss off their white math teacher. Life would be grand.
Yup, I dig black chicks.
Awesome. And suddenly your workplace sounds much less shitty than it did yesterday...
Posted by Martha on Jan 26, 2006 7:49:16 AM
that is so racist, I cant even reply
Posted by d bomb on Jan 26, 2006 10:05:41 AM
"he was all banged up" lmao! I'm totally using that one!
Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Jan 26, 2006 3:51:37 PM
I thought being pissed at everything was a NYC thing in general?
Posted by Goldie on Jan 26, 2006 4:13:00 PM
you are so great.
Posted by Kate on Jan 27, 2006 1:04:53 AM
d bomb, you did reply...tard.
"Muthafucka betta check yo'self!"
I love it. You betta recognize.
Posted by LungFung on Jan 27, 2006 3:53:33 AM
Here in South Africa (i dont have a pet lion - or crocodile in my back yard) Black woman are the same, big bums, big attitutes... All white folks are racist according to them
Posted by Nicky on Jan 27, 2006 5:31:04 AM
What yo' fat ass know about black women, huh beyatch?
And who you calling fat?
You better step up off this mother fucker.
And whilst you there...
Buy a decent pair of shoes.
Posted by doom on Jan 27, 2006 1:48:49 PM
you should watch the movie B.A.P.S.
(black american princesses)
It's about some old rich guy that loves having black chicks with big cabooses around. It's where I first heard the word Booyah!!
Posted by jude on Feb 2, 2006 11:17:29 PM
ROFL, this is hilarious... too bad people don't get it. I never though there would be something that thought Bringing Down the House had porn value, but dam you just made that true. ROLF.
Posted by logtar on Feb 7, 2006 3:53:05 PM
This was funny was busting my gut
I have a skinny white friend who also likes em big black and round Im gona send him the link for this
Posted by chunky.com on Mar 7, 2006 8:10:49 PM
That was fucking hilarious.
Here from Michele's.
Posted by susie on Jun 21, 2006 10:50:09 PM
Don't know if anyone happened to be with me yesterday at pm8:00 (7/29), on a N train at 42nd street in NYC. There were 3 or 4 black chicks holding the doors of the N train, made the train delay for at least 20 mins, made the cops come and take them and their stuff (believe me, there were a LOT) away. They acted extactly as you described here.
And people inside the train literally cheered when the doors finally closed.
Posted by mars on Jul 29, 2006 3:32:29 PM
The things white trash will say! I am sure your racist forefathers are proud of ability to keep disgraceful stereotypes alive and then try to pitifully be comedic with it.
My suggestion: Get out of your trailer park more and you will see different personalities of ALL minorities except the ones in your small world. Nope I am not black I am a Latina, white trash.
Posted by Wow on Oct 18, 2006 2:45:32 PM
This blog shows whats really wrong with this country and why we will never come above racial differences. I could say all "white" chicks cowardly and gullible (and really want black men)... but that would be a lie. Or all Asia kids drive supped up Honda's and are great in Math and Science...or All white guys have small dicks...or all white middle aged men at some point have had sex with other men...or all lonely, weird and condemmed by peers white boys are going to be serial killers...but once again this is a lie. Please feel free to talk about the "Black Chicks" you may come across, but I am a Black Woman and these issues do not apply to myself nor the educated black women in my family or the educated black women i attended college with. You don't know black women any better then I know you.
Posted by Jazz on Dec 3, 2006 12:27:17 AM
Who ever came up with this blog is dumb, racist, has nothing better to do, and probably doesnt have a girl..oh yeah and if he does, she's probably just a stupid as he is. GO READ A BOOK!!!!!!!
Posted by Doesnt Matter on Dec 24, 2006 6:58:52 PM
Black chicks are just plain dumb and annoying.
Posted by noway on Jan 25, 2007 6:18:59 PM
was he serious?
Posted by chloe on May 10, 2007 4:35:47 PM
I wannaa fuck a black chick.
Posted by ghjhgkjg on Jul 13, 2007 3:00:31 PM
Shit......I think black chicks are funny as hell sometimes. I would like to have doggie stlye sex with a few. Is it true once you go black you never go back? If its for a white guy?
Posted by Nick on Sep 9, 2007 6:48:09 PM
Although I found some of what this cat wrote a bit offensive, I kept it in the spirit and context in which I feel it was meant. HUMOR, lighten up everyone! It is humor, and blogger guy, remember some of what you may say is going to HURT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME. You as an author, even of humor must bare the responsibility of sensibilities of others. Overall, the shit was funny, relevant, sensationalized yet true. Ignorant human beings come in many sizes of asses, in fact some with no asses at all. Some are short, tall, some have color, some are cursed with very little color that they must run to a tanning salon to have themselves painted a ridiculously orange hue, especially the colorless women who ridicule other women of color for having asses but synonymously rush to Dr. 90210 to have Botox injected into their lips and pads surgically placed where the ass should be to immolate the very women of color they despise. Now that's humor for your ass!! ha ha
Posted by Joe on Sep 12, 2007 3:31:06 AM
Dude, you're a loser. It's so rediculous that you're subjecting all black females to lame steretypes that don't fit us all. I mean, it's like, if one black person/female (in this case) does something bad/negative, then it seems that we're all doing/going to do the same thing, and that's not fair. You should totally re-think your idea of people in general.
1: We're never wrong.
Are you serious? Do you actually believe that we all go around blaming people for our problems? Not sure about everyone else, but when I've done something wrong, I take responsibility for it if it calls for that.
2:"I rolled up on some G at da club, but he was all banged up."
If i hadn't have seen the pre-translation, I wouldn't have known what you were talking about. We don't (all; apparently there's some new lingo) speak this way. Get over yourself.
Posted by Emprice-Sario on Mar 29, 2008 1:57:47 PM
Today was a loss. I just don't have anything to say. Not that it matters.
Posted by www erotics com on Jun 2, 2008 9:24:56 AM
I haven't gotten anything done. Whatever. I just don't have anything to say.
Posted by all my models on Jun 4, 2008 8:37:17 AM
I as a white man find black women very attractive, and no it is not because most of them wear a pair of jeans better than most women. It is because they as women have done some incredible things that other women would never be able to do. work two or three jobs to take care of their children or on the other end of the spectrum, go to college get a degree and make a better living than most women. yes ,i would love a relationship with a blck woman.